I accidentally found this note kept between the pages of my old breviary. It brought me back fond memories of more than a decade ago and see how my life has drastically changed through these years…
Someone out there can rightfully say these words again to me… and i will never be able to explain fully the things that made me change my ways, my hopes, my dreams… and the things that came to be…
Once, I was young, enjoying the fruits of life. Happiness came easy as I received recognitions for my talents and not a few admirers. Yes, I had ambitions, dreams. They were like the stars in the midnight blue sky, twinkling every night. Every night I watched those stars, whispering “I will reach you someday.”
Life then was smooth sailing in the calm ocean with clear waters as pure as my dreams.
But alas, no matter how careful you are, doing things rightly, there will always be storms to test you.
I felt something within me which I could hardly define when I met you. It was a feeling that the sky would always be blue, the roses red and the sun a bright yellow.
With those undefined feelings I went through life, trying hard to take you with me to the end of the rainbow. But… you took me instead, made me a part of your life, just a part, a part to be remembered forever.
Being with you, I neglected so many things yet this did not bother me. The stars failed to hear my whispers. My will and determination to reach them eventually vanished. The undefined feeling ruled my life.
Everything was centered on you. It was for you, to you and by you. It was like a never-ending caring and sharing a bit of your life with me.
You let me sail with you, but the sailing was not always calm. The big waves madly splashed on us, separated us from one another until I was left on a island of burdens. It was dark, difficult. It was incredibly painful.
Once again I walked along life’s road – alone, lonely, bothered by the blissful moments we shared, puzzled with the first and last kiss you gently planted on my once untouched lips, broken with the loneliness in your eyes, thirsting for the touch and embrace you gave me before you finally said “Goodnight.” Now I am not exactly sure if you really did say the word I never wanted to hear: “Goodbye.”
I looked up in the sky one night and saw the stars I had ignored for a long while, invitingly twinkling at me as if saying “We are still here! Don’t you want to reach us anymore?” All the stars seemed to be celebrating something and I began to feel the fresh air that slowly melted the heavy burden and pain in my heart. And soon the tiny stars made my world bright again. The dreams and ambitions that once took the back seat gave me reasons to live.
Honestly, my world was different after you. You taught me one thing that no one else succeeded in teaching me, not until you did. You turned my existence into life. You unknowingly let me know that life is not just my dreams and ambitions. Rather, life is meaningful if you have someone in your heart who gives you the inner strength to conquer the difficulties, someone who you like to share the rest of your life with.
Yes, it was you whom I wanted to give my life to. But reality speaks that for now, you will never be mine. I had you once but you left me. Now, all I have are memories, giving me strength as I reach for my stars.
~
What I Am After You by Hannah M. Supetran
1 Comment(s)
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I thought the note came from you. I got lost somewhere. I would like to read your thoughts though… how ’bout that?
But the image suit the mood.
Keep updating…